Title: Relationships: A Mess Worth Making (This book is available is multiple formats on Amazon.*)
Authors: Timothy S. Lane and Paul David Tripp
Recommended for: Any Christian
Every day of our lives is made up of interactions with people. These interactions bring disappointments, comfort, encouragement, frustration, and cause myriads of emotions. In any given relationship, we are moving closer to the person or drifting or even actively moving away from him. And that’s just one side of the equation. Regardless of the direction we are moving, the other person is going a direction as well. Because of sin, unfulfilled expectations, miscommunication, and dozens of other things, relationships are complicated and far from perfect—and they are risky. We give of ourselves, and it can hurt immensely when the response is negative or even neutral. We may want to form barriers to protect ourselves rather than get involved, especially if things have already gone badly.
Obviously, from the title, Lane and Tripp are calling for people everywhere to choose involvement over isolation. And they have 15 chapters that describe why and how this should be done. Chapter topics include profound discussions of sin, mercy, and forgiveness. Throughout the chapters are examples that serve as case studies to help us see how these biblical concepts work out in very practical ways.
For me, the most surprising section of the book was the chapter called “Provision,” which emphasizes what God has given us to solve relationship problems. When I face a relationship problem, one of the things I’m always looking for is some kind of explanation. I often feel that if I can just understand why something happened (or what someone was thinking), I can find a way to avoid the problem in the future and cope with it now. However, the authors point out that explanation is not enough. They show that explanations, while initially comforting, often reveal that the problems are worse than we thought (more deeply rooted or complicated) and that we are inadequate to solve the problem. We must have more than explanation: we need imagination.
They write,
“Imagination is not the ability to dream up things that aren’t real; it is the ability to see what is real but often unseen. . . . For a Christian whose hope is in an invisible God, seeing the unseen is essential.”
They focus on two “unseen realities” that are essential for our Christian walk: our true identity based on our relationship with God, and the resources that we have available to us because of what God provides.
This whole book was very helpful and encouraging, and this particular chapter helped me to combat my obsession with explanation. Instead of relying on explanations to find a solution to my relationship difficulties and troubles, I need to rely first and foremost on the reality of my connection to God and the grace that He provides.
In Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, Tim and Paul discuss the relational disappointments that we all suffer both in and out of the church. But they are also optimistic about the power of Christian beliefs to redeem and restore our relationships. Rather than presenting new or sophisticated techniques to make relationships flourish, the authors instead focus on the basic, Christian character qualities that can only be formed in the heart by the gospel. (Amazon description)
Other Great Books by Lane and Tripp:
“How People Change targets the root of a person: the heart. When our core desires and motivations change, only then will behavior follow. Using a biblical model of Heat, Thorns, Cross, and Fruit, Paul David Tripp and Timothy S. Lane reveal how lasting change is possible.” (Amazon description)
365 Gospel-Centered Devotions for the Whole Year
“Mornings can be tough. Sometimes, a hearty breakfast and strong cup of coffee just aren’t enough. Offering more than a rush of caffeine, best-selling author Paul David Tripp wants to energize you with the most potent encouragement imaginable: the gospel.” (Amazon description)
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