“Life is presented in Proverbs as a journey in which we are constantly faced with a choice between two paths: wisdom and folly. We need good friends who will travel with us, help us discern the right road to take and spur us on to keep walking down it. Such companions will immeasurably strengthen us.”
~ Vaughn Roberts, True Friendship
One author says that Proverbs “might almost be called a treatise on friendship—there is no book, even in classical literature, which so exalts the idea of friendship and is so anxious to have it truly valued and carefully kept” (Hugh Black, Friendship).
Proverbs 27 contains several of the core concepts about wise friendships. From it, we can glean the following advice.
How to have healthy, wise friendships
1. Offer honest feedback: True friendship requires honesty, even when that means giving our friends difficult advice.
Better is open rebuke than hidden love. Wounds from a friend can be trusted, but an enemy multiplies kisses.
Proverbs 27:5-6
The closer we get to someone, the harder this can sometimes be. If we have a friendship that is important to us, we can be tempted to avoid conflict at all cost. We may overlook problems that we should talk to our friend about, rather than risk losing the friendship.
However, John reminds us of the reality of love:
There is no fear in love. But perfect love drives out fear, because fear has to do with punishment. The one who fears is not made perfect in love.
1 John 4:18
We must embrace love—love for our friend and love for God’s truth. The kind of love that speaks up for people and speaks truth to people is the enduring and true love. This leads to what Proverbs points to as one of the most valuable things about friendship.
2. Be a catalyst for positive change: Be the iron that “sharpens iron” in your friend’s life.
As iron sharpens iron, so one man sharpens another.
Proverbs 27:17
As friends, we should strive to be positive influences on one another, encouraging each other to grow, learn, and follow the Lord. This means that we will open up to each other about our struggles, share truth with each other, and pray for each other.
3. Provide reliable care: Proverbs 27 also highlights the importance of being a dependable source of support for our friends. When they’re going through tough times, we should be there to lend a listening ear, offer practical help, or simply be present with them.
Do not forsake your friend and your father’s friend, and do not go to your brother’s house in the day of your calamity. Better is a neighbor who is near than a brother who is far away.
Proverbs 27:10
4. Choose our words and the timing of them carefully: This chapter also warns against using words carelessly or insincerely.
Whoever blesses his neighbor with a loud voice, rising early in the morning, will be counted as cursing.
Proverbs 27:14
Good words or good intentions are not enough if we truly want to bless someone. We ought to factor in their background and needs, and we should try to communicate our love to them in a way that really speaks to them. This requires a good amount of listening and work to understand them.
Overall, Proverbs 27 emphasizes the importance of being honest, reliable, supportive, and positive in our friendships. By embodying these qualities, we can build strong and meaningful relationships with the people in our lives.
Do you have friendships like this?
I’ve written before about what the Bible says about Friendship and Loneliness, and for me the biggest take away from this word study was the amazing fact that Jesus calls us his friends. He has revolutionized the concept of friendship, reaching down to reconcile enemies to become friends. He has overturned some common assumptions about friendship, calling His students and His own creation His friends rather than limiting that term to peers.
Sometimes, we can wait for the perfect friend, someone who shares so many similarities with us that friendship is a comfortable and relaxing journey. But that isn’t the kind of friendship that Jesus patterns! He reaches down to people in need and lifts them up to be His friend. He is the perfect example of a true friend who has a positive influence on our lives!
As we follow His example, let’s remember how we are to build friendships.
Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly, teaching and admonishing one another in all wisdom, singing psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, with thankfulness in your hearts to God.
Colossians 3:16
24 And let us consider how to stir up one another to love and good works, 25 not neglecting to meet together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another, and all the more as you see the Day drawing near.
Hebrews 10:24-25
What lessons about friendship have you noticed from this chapter or other places in Proverbs?
This article is part of a series through the book of Proverbs. You can read more meditations on Proverbs on other pages of this site. Also, please consider joining the Proverbs Reading Challenge!
Suggested Reading:
“In a culture where online communications and communities can be set up in seconds, it is striking that loneliness is still rampant. Even in the church, a place where we might hope for an oasis of love and acceptance, we can find interactions awkward and superficial. It’s for this reason that Vaughan Roberts takes us back to the Bible, and challenges us to consider our need for true friendship. He’s both honest and clear in his approach as he shows us that knowing and being known by God is the hope we need to begin to deal with the sickness of our ‘self–love’ society.”
In Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, Tim and Paul discuss the relational disappointments that we all suffer both in and out of the church. But they are also optimistic about the power of Christian beliefs to redeem and restore our relationships. Rather than presenting new or sophisticated techniques to make relationships flourish, the authors instead focus on the basic, Christian character qualities that can only be formed in the heart by the gospel. (Amazon description)
“Recognizing that words are powerful, Paul Tripp shows us how the gospel transforms the way we communicate. Our Lord Jesus Christ, the Word is the only hope for our words. In our war of words, he is the one who gives us the victory. Tripp directs us to a renewed reliance on our heavenly Father’s abundant grace and a more Christ-honoring, people-benefiting life of talk.” (Amazon description)
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