I love new notebooks and freshly sharpened pencils. I love chalkboards and textbooks. School has been a part of my life in one form or another for nearly 40 years. But there is one thing I don’t love about education: testing. I never liked taking tests as a student, and, as a teacher, I hated writing and grading them.
However, I didn’t give up on tests either. I understood that as unpleasant as testing was, it was essential because evaluation and assessment are important parts of education. They are not the entirety of education, but they are a tool that helps students as well as teachers improve.
Proverbs 15 contains a small test, a test to show us how well we are growing in wisdom. Proverbs says that one way for us to test our level of wisdom is to watch how we accept rebuke, admonition, teaching, commands, and counsel from others.
5 A fool despises his father’s instruction,
but whoever heeds reproof is prudent.31 The ear that listens to life-giving reproof
Proverbs 15:5, 31-32
will dwell among the wise.
32 Whoever ignores instruction despises himself,
but he who listens to reproof gains intelligence.
Did you know that your response to reproof indicates something about your own wisdom? This same test is repeated elsewhere in Proverbs:
7 Whoever corrects a scoffer gets himself abuse,
Proverbs 9:7-9
and he who reproves a wicked man incurs injury.
8 Do not reprove a scoffer, or he will hate you;
reprove a wise man, and he will love you.
9 Give instruction to a wise man, and he will be still wiser;
teach a righteous man, and he will increase in learning.
8 The wise of heart will receive commandments,
Proverbs 10:8
but a babbling fool will come to ruin.
5 Let the wise hear and increase in learning,
Proverbs 1:5-7
and the one who understands obtain guidance,
6 to understand a proverb and a saying,
the words of the wise and their riddles.
7 The fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge;
fools despise wisdom and instruction.
Now, we can all stop and think of the last time someone came to us and told us we were wrong, or told us how we should change, or gave us advice about something in our lives. If you are like me, those are not all happy memories, and when I think about how I responded to those, I often feel shame rather than confidence that I am growing in wisdom. That’s why I need to pay special attention to this test, and I need to prepare for it.
Obstacles to receiving reproof
How do you receive rebuke and instruction? Do you do it with patience and wisdom? I think that there are some obstacles that we need to clear out when we prepare our hearts for a wise response to reproof or counsel. What often holds us back are limitations we put on the kind of counsel that we are willing to listen to:
1. Only when it’s something we can understand and agree with
2. Only when it’s been solicited
3. Only when it’s given in the perfect tone
4. Only when it comes from someone we respect
We want to change these limitations because Proverbs doesn’t indicate that these are requirements for counsel to be received. It says, “Reprove a wise man, and he will love you,” not, “Reprove a wise man, and he will love you as long as you gave solicited advice in the perfect tone.”
Two key principles
As we listen to future rebuke or counsel, let’s keep some things in mind:
1. Receiving rebuke or counsel doesn’t necessitate following it.
Proverbs 15 tells us the incredible value of having access to lots of counsel:
Without counsel plans fail,
Proverbs 15:22
but with many advisers they succeed.
This isn’t true because the many advisers will all speak in unison, all giving the same wise advice, but rather because many advisers will offer a multitude of perspectives. When someone offers unsolicited counsel, and we don’t immediately agree with it, a wise response is to be thankful for the advice and to log it away in the file of counsel. It doesn’t mean that we act on all counsel given to us—that would be impossible because even the best counselors may give contradictory advice. But we should accept it with gratitude and patience, recognizing that having no counselors in our lives would be a truly sad state. A foolish response, however, is when we bristle at rebuke or focus on defending ourselves against the judgment we can feel when people offer a perspective that is different from ours.
This bristling comes from our own pride, and is incredibly dangerous to the unity and health of the body of Christ. It leads us down a dark path of rivalry, self-justification, and bitterness. We can see warnings about these different paths when James describes wisdom:
13 Who is wise and understanding among you? By his good conduct let him show his works in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter jealousy and selfish ambition in your hearts, do not boast and be false to the truth. 15 This is not the wisdom that comes down from above, but is earthly, unspiritual, demonic. 16 For where jealousy and selfish ambition exist, there will be disorder and every vile practice. 17 But the wisdom from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, open to reason, full of mercy and good fruits, impartial and sincere. 18 And a harvest of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.
James 3:13-18
2. Wisely receiving rebuke or counsel starts with checking our own hearts.
The way that we receive instruction or reproof reveals our wisdom, but in order to change, we must start with our hearts. That includes praying and asking God to forgive us for our unwillingness to listen to others and then reorienting our hearts to fear the Lord. When His values are our values, we can accept criticism and unsolicited advice the way that He wants us to because it’s not about proving that we are in the right or defending ourselves.
Proverbs 15 also tells us more about this kind of heart attitude:
28 The heart of the righteous ponders how to answer,
but the mouth of the wicked pours out evil things.
29 The Lord is far from the wicked,
but he hears the prayer of the righteous.….
33 The fear of the Lord is instruction in wisdom,
Proverbs 15:28-29, 33
and humility comes before honor.
We can be slow to anger, considering how we should respond to others, including when they criticize or advise us. We can pray to God to help us to respond correctly, because we know that if we ask Him for wisdom, He will answer:
5 If any of you lacks wisdom, let him ask God, who gives generously to all without reproach, and it will be given him.
James 1:5
He will guide us toward the kind of humility that Christ Jesus had, that led Him even to sacrifice Himself on the cross for our sins. He is the perfect example of humility coming before honor. (See Philippians 2:1-11.)
Reading through Proverbs again and again helps us to see what our values and priorities really should be. Being teachable and humble in the face of criticism is an area of life that we must meditate on so that we can correct our thinking to be in line with God’s truth.
And we all know how we get better at something: through practice. The next time you face criticism, rebuke, correction, or unsolicited advice, consider it an opportunity to practice taking it as a wise person does. Practice listening to it with gratitude and then filing it away to consider later. This is one way that we will grow in humility and wisdom.
What situations will you face this week that will help you to practice receiving instruction?
This article is part of a series through the book of Proverbs. You can read more meditations on Proverbs on other pages of this site. Also, please consider joining the Proverbs Reading Challenge!
Suggested Reading:
“Esteemed and established author Jerry Bridges takes a deeper look into the Beatitudes to find a pattern for humility in action. He thoroughly explains what humility is, what the Bible says about it, and the different ways we can exhibit humility in a fallen world. A must-read for Christians in every stage of their journey with Jesus, The Blessing of Humility draws connections between Christ’s teachings, and shows readers how to put humility into daily action.” (Amazon description)
“Now the heart-changing volumes can be found in one hardbound and collectible edition. . . You will never know real joy, peace, or success until you learn what it means to live a fully surrendered life, and have a conscious ambition and aim to be holy. Nancy Leigh DeMoss’s life message, with probing questions and application, will be the starting point for giving God the right to revive, control, and purify your heart.” (Amazon description)
In Relationships: A Mess Worth Making, Tim and Paul discuss the relational disappointments that we all suffer both in and out of the church. But they are also optimistic about the power of Christian beliefs to redeem and restore our relationships. Rather than presenting new or sophisticated techniques to make relationships flourish, the authors instead focus on the basic, Christian character qualities that can only be formed in the heart by the gospel. (Amazon description)
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