Anger is a complex emotion. If we have problems with anger, it can be explosive and obvious, but then at other times it can be so subtle that we can deny its existence in our hearts. Sometimes it can seem necessary. We can justify it at times because it’s triggered by sin or injustice. We know that the Bible records God’s anger with sin. . . so what do we do about the anger we experience?
I don’t remember struggling with anger before I had children. Maybe I called it “getting frustrated,” or maybe I just needed a bit more heat to really reveal what was happening in my heart. Either way, since having children, the battle is clear, and I have made several studies of what the Bible says about anger. (You can find a brief one here.) In addition to studying scripture, these two books have helped me the most.
Triggers: Exchanging Parents’ Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses
by Wendy Speake and Amber Lia
This book is written for those of us who are “triggered” by many different things related to childrearing. It’s also a good resource for people who work with children. The truth of scripture forms the premise of this incredibly practical book: We are responsible for our actions, and we must be ready to fight spiritual battles against destructive anger and impatience with (our) kids.
The book is divided into 31 short chapters, and each one is meant as a daily meditation on a different thing that can cause a parent (especially a mom) to become angry. It also helps you deal with your children’s anger, encouraging you to start by focusing on dealing with your own. Each chapter ends with a prayer. I have the audio version, and listening to it feels like having a conversation with a friend. I highly recommend this book for any woman who has children or deals with other people’s children.
“Triggers: Exchanging Parent’s Angry Reactions for Gentle Biblical Responses examines common parenting issues that cause us to explode inappropriately at our children. Moving beyond simple parenting tips on how to change your child’s behavior, authors Amber Lia and Wendy Speake offer biblical insight and practical tools to equip and encourage you on the journey away from anger-filled reactions toward gentle, biblical responses.” (Amazon description)
Good and Angry: Redeeming Anger, Irritation, Complaining, and Bitterness
by David Powlison
This book is one of those books that you want to read slowly and really savor. Its deep, eloquent, and scriptural message made me want to draw it out and let it be the focus of my thinking and reading for as long as possible. The basic thesis is that human anger can be good or bad, or a mix, and that it is powerful and necessary in our lives. In great detail, Powlison explains how to examine the anger we experience—large-scale and small-scale angers—and how we can transform our anger into something constructive. He calls it “the constructive displeasure of mercy.” He points out that both mercy and anger are responses to (real or perceived) wrongs, and that neither is a pleasurable experience. By responding correctly, however, anger can be constructive. His book is very practical and firmly grounded in scripture.
“Powlison reminds us that God gets angry too. He sees things in this world that aren’t right and he wants justice too. But God’s anger doesn’t devolve into manipulation or trying to control others to get his own way. Instead his anger is good and redemptive. It causes him to step into our world to make wrongs right, sending his own Son to die so that we can be reconciled. He is both our model for change and our power to change.” (Amazon description)
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