If you are working through the 2023 Proverbs Reading Challenge, you are on Proverbs 18 today. If you haven’t yet started, or if things have prevented you from reading each day, please don’t worry. You can start anytime, and if you miss some days, it’s ok. Remember that this is a very generous reading challenge that will last the whole year, cycling through proverbs each month, ideally 12 times. That means that if you miss some days or begin late, you will still get through this beautiful, rich book multiple times this year. And everyone benefits from that!
But let’s dig into some of the themes of Proverbs 18. You may have marked out different verses from what I have emphasized here, or you may have looked at the same verses from different angles. Proverbs are rich, and they can be applied in so many practical ways. Today, I will follow the themes of friendship vs. isolation and speech vs. silence.
Red Flag: Isolation from others is dangerous
As I read my Bible, and especially the book of Proverbs, I draw small red flags near verses that have warnings that seem to reach through the pages and point very specifically to my sinful and weak heart. I want to stop and notice these each and every time I read these pages, making sure my eyes never merely skim over these words. I have a flag next to Proverbs 18:1.
Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire;
Proverbs 18:1
he breaks out against all sound judgment.
I have written in small ways about loneliness and grief over loss. These, along with deep depression, are trials I have faced and temptations I have battled. When we battle these things, sometimes we can reach out to others for help and comfort and feel hurt when they don’t respond the way we had hoped. Sometimes we can just simply avoid others in the first place and isolate ourselves, thinking that it’s not worth the effort or fearing that disappointment or pain could exacerbate the suffering we are already facing.
What we are facing might be soul-crushing. Proverbs doesn’t gloss over emotional, mental, and spiritual pain. It recognizes its tragic reality.
A man’s spirit will endure sickness,
Proverbs 18:14
but a crushed spirit who can bear?
In his book, Spurgeon’s Sorrows, Zack Eswine quotes Spurgeon as saying, “The mind can descend far lower than the body, for in it there are bottomless pits. The flesh can bear only a certain number of wounds and no more, but the soul can bleed in 10,000 ways and die over and over again each hour.” These are powerful words from a pastor who intimately understood battles with depression.
Proverbs goes further and recognizes that in many ways, our emotional ups and downs do cause loneliness:
The heart knows its own bitterness,
Proverbs 14:10
and no stranger shares its joy.
We shouldn’t expect to be united to people through our emotional experiences; sometimes, they may naturally distance us from people.
So we may be facing significant temptations to isolate ourselves. Proverbs helps us to reevaluate our movement toward isolation. It reminds us that isolation is self-serving, not healing, and it will further our demise rather than promote resilience.
Instead, we must seek the ways that we can be unified, when so many things around us are tearing us apart. True unity comes when we worship the Father and abide in Christ and walk in the Spirit.
In my Bible, I have a small paper where I have written what, for me, is the opposite of Proverbs 18:1. I have written, “A friendly person considers others. She chooses wisdom and the way of life.”
A similar sentiment can be found at the end of this chapter, with the first and final verses of this chapter forming sort of opposite bookends.
A man who has friends must himself be friendly,
Proverbs 18:24
But there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.
It is this kind of friend whom we should be seeking, a wise friend who will help us in time of need and who will more importantly help us in our journey toward wisdom.
Whoever walks with the wise becomes wise,
Proverbs 13:20
but the companion of fools will suffer harm.
Although this kind of friendship can be rare (see alternate readings of 18:24), it will be found only if we are seeking friendship, and never from isolation.
Red Flag: Foolish speech damages people
As you read Proverbs 18, you certainly noticed all of the times that foolish and damaging speech are mentioned in this chapter. Here are a few of them:
2 A fool takes no pleasure in understanding,
but only in expressing his opinion.…
6 A fool’s lips walk into a fight,
and his mouth invites a beating.
7 A fool’s mouth is his ruin,
and his lips are a snare to his soul.
One good response to these warnings is to speak less often. In the previous chapter, we were just told this:
Whoever restrains his words has knowledge,
Proverbs 17:27-28
and he who has a cool spirit is a man of understanding.
Even a fool who keeps silent is considered wise;
when he closes his lips, he is deemed intelligent.
This is a very necessary reminder for many of us. We must remember that words uttered are forever out there, continuing on in the memory of others. Although we may ask people to forgive us for hurtful and wrong words, those words can never be unsaid. We ought to put a spiritual filter or barrier on our lips!
However, simple silence is not the answer, as we can see in the rest of this chapter. I have noticed in my own life that as I have gotten older, I do speak less. I can do this out of a heart of wisdom (keeping peace and staying calm), but sadly I can also do this out of a heart of foolishness. I can be silent, thinking, “No one cares what I have to say” or “I’m not going to make the effort to speak.” These are not ways of wisdom. They are paths of isolation and selfishness.
Proverbs extols silence in the right situations, but it even more often extols using words in a wise way to heal, guide, and teach.
Solution: Reach out to others, sharing words of wisdom
Proverbs 18 shows us that the way of wisdom includes speaking up and sharing wisdom:
The words of a man’s mouth are deep waters;
Proverbs 18:4
the fountain of wisdom is a bubbling brook.
Wisdom is not a silent and shallow pool. It is a fountain, bursting and bubbling with life-giving words! We must spend time listening to others (another theme in this chapter), and then, when appropriate, pass along that wisdom. We cannot let fear guide how often we speak; rather we must be living out our love with words that bring truth and healing.
God gave us a spirit not of fear but of power and love and self-control.
2 Timothy 1:7
Proverbs goes on to give us a very clear picture of the importance of our words:
From the fruit of a man’s mouth his stomach is satisfied;
Proverbs 18:20-21
he is satisfied by the yield of his lips.
Death and life are in the power of the tongue,
and those who love it will eat its fruits.
Speaking is a matter of life and death! Therefore, let’s go into the rest of this day and the rest of this week with a goal of bringing life to others through our words, and listening to others who are sharing truth with us. Text a friend who needs some comfort right now; tell a friend if you need encouragement. Seek out a conversation with someone. Engage with people around you as you do your normal daily tasks. Spend some time having a conversation with a child.
Reject isolation or foolish talk and be satisfied because of wise communication.
Will you join me in the 2023 Proverbs Reading Challenge? What thoughts did you have when reading Proverbs 18? Put your comments below!
This article is part of a series through the book of Proverbs. You can read more meditations on Proverbs on other pages of this site. Also, please consider joining the Proverbs Reading Challenge!
Suggested Reading
“Derek Kidner has not only provided a running commentary on the whole of Proverbs, but has also included two helpful study aids: a set of subject guides that bring together teaching scattered throughout the book, and a short concordance that helps locate lost sayings (in territory notoriously hard to search) and encourages further subject studies. In short, this volume is a wise person’s guide to wisdom.” (Amazon description)
“Christians should have the answers, shouldn’t they? Depression affects many people both personally and through the ones we love. Here Zack Eswine draws from C.H Spurgeon, ‘the Prince of Preachers’ experience to encourage us. What Spurgeon found in his darkness can serve as a light in our own darkness. Zack Eswine brings you here, not a self–help guide, rather ‘a handwritten note of one who wishes you well.’”
“In a culture where online communications and communities can be set up in seconds, it is striking that loneliness is still rampant. Even in the church, a place where we might hope for an oasis of love and acceptance, we can find interactions awkward and superficial. It’s for this reason that Vaughan Roberts takes us back to the Bible, and challenges us to consider our need for true friendship. He’s both honest and clear in his approach as he shows us that knowing and being known by God is the hope we need to begin to deal with the sickness of our ‘self–love’ society.”
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